Dealing With Difficult People – Part 3

So you've stepped back, enlisted help and confronted the person making your life difficult and nothing has changed. What do you do next?

 

If it's a work situation you may need to enlist your boss's help. Be sure to address the issue as one of productivity affecting work issues and not as a personal one.

 

Whether or not this is work-related there may come a point where you have to simply leave the ring. You're probably thinking "But why should I be the one to leave? I'm not the one causing the problem!"

 

That may be true, but what price are you paying in terms of your health, success and happiness? On-going stress affects everything else in your life. Do you really want to be held hostage to someone else's problem?

 

Only you can decide if the good in your current situation outweighs the bad. If you decide it does, then redirect your focus to the good and stop giving the other your attention. If you choose to leave then put all your energy into that immediately.

 

Positive action is always your best defense. 

 

Dealing With Difficult People, Part 2

You can't force the difficult people in your life to change but how you deal with them is entirely in your power.

In my last post I suggested we have to stop complaining about the people we have difficult with. However, that doesn't mean you can't enlist help.

If you are the object of an attack it can be extremely difficult to be objective about what is happening. Be aware, however, that by asking someone to listen you are creating an unspoken agreement. You are commiting to action of some type, otherwise this is just another case of complaining.

Once you've gotten some ideas on how to proceed, ask the difficult person to engage in a private discussion with you about the sitations. Avoid 'You' statments, such as 'You always-', 'You never-'. Stick with 'I' statements. 'This is how I feel-' That keeps the focus on the experience rather than creating a counter attack situation.

Be pleasant and maintain an agreeable tone. The other person may be totally unaware of their impact on you. Or, they may just not care. Attempt to reach an agreement about actions going forward.

Follow up is important. If the situation has improved be sure to acknowledge it gracfully. It it's worsened — well, that's next week's tip!

 

Dealing With Difficult People – Part 1

You can't avoid it. Difficult people happen along all the time. They come in all forms and varieties – from the person who just won't stop talking to the one who stabs you in the back.

 

You can't change them but how you deal with them is entirely in your power.

 

First, don't complain about them to everyone and anyone who will listen. Complaints and gossip always come back on you. You may even earn the reputation of a whiner, someone who can't solve her own problems. 

 

Complaining doesn't solve the situation. It only defuses the feelings. You'll feel like you've done something about it, but really you haven't.

 

In some tribal cultures you'll receive advice and help the first time you bring up a problem. Even the second time, but if you bring it up a third time, the listener will simply walk away, indicating it's time you took action.

 

So my next few posts will give you some positive action options.

 

First, examine yourself. Do you always have difficulty with this type of behaviour in individuals? Is there a trigger here that you need to examine more closely? What here reminds you of yourself? (Often we react strongly to a behaviour in others that we don't like in ourselves.)

 

Always start with yourself and determine if the source of irritation lies in you and not the other.