What’s a Life Coach, Anyhow?

The other day someone surprised me by asking what I did for a living. They loved my posts but had no idea why I chose the subjects I did. I guess I just thought everyone knew. I've been merrily writing about life but it seems it's been too long since I wrote about coaching. So – let's talk.

First off, it's not therapy or counseling. Life coaching is all about your future, not the past. Where would you like to be a year from now? Five years from now? What dreams are calling to you? What's standing in your way?

A coach fills the role of that objective friend you need to move ahead. Family and friends usually can't do this for you. The people who care about you are emotionally involved and have their own agendas, whether conscious or unconscious. That's not good or bad, it just is. Because of it, I won't coach my friends and I have never met my own coach face to face. 

Think of it this way – we each star in our own movie. In your family or friends' movies you are simply a supporting character. If you decide to change your lines or take on a new role, you disrupt their story. Your change forces them to change, something they probably didn't agree to. 

So a coach brings objectivity and a different perspective to the question of "Where do you want to go in your life?"

A coach also provides accountability.

We all know how easy it is to break those promises we make to ourselves — the weight loss, the new job, the dream trip, etc.  That's because it's easy to let someone you love off the hook. That's also the reason anyone we are in relationship with has trouble holding us accountable. Hopefully they love us, too.

This next coaching role is my favorite – with your coach there are no failures, only opportunities. So whether you do or don't do, you will always learn. I help you deepen that learning and use it to move ahead.

While the agenda is always yours. I act as a guide by asking curious questions. I help deepen your learning and I listen. Really listen. Probably more than you've been listened to in your life. Most of my clients say that being heard is the best part. You'd be amazed by what a good
coach can detect in the energy of your voice. That's also why coaching isn't limited by geography because most
coaching takes place over the phone.

In a nutshell – that's what I do. I do it because my dream is to see everyone live fully, openly and without apology for their dreams. I believe that everyone of us is put on this planet for a reason and if we each live fully into our purpose we'll all be richer.

I guess you could say I do have an agenda. I want to help you define success for yourself and then go after it!

If you're ready to get serious about your future, drop me an email. We can arrange a 15 minute coaching session without obligation so you can experience a little of the power of coaching. And if you think you can't afford coaching, ask me how you could qualify to be coached by me – for free!

 

Wisdom of Yoda

Yoda, Jedi Master and Life Coach, knew what he was talking about when he told Luke "There is no try, only do." He understood the impact of our words on our actions.

I realized this when I found myself writing a list of "I wants" in my journal. I hear "I wants" from my clients all the time. Some pretty common ones sound something like this:

I want to lose weight.
I want a successful business.
I want a fulfilling relationship.
I want balance.

The list of examples could go on and on. I'm sure you have your own personal favorites. But hold on a moment and think about what you're really telling yourself.

Those two little words "I want" indicate a holding pattern, a hope that the desired outcome will just happen to fall into your lap. They keep you waiting. They let you off the hook. "I want" is a passive statement.

You may feel you've accomplished something because you voiced what you wanted. After all, you've indicated your desire, right?  Well, not quite. What you've actually done is released some of the pressure you felt to take action. Too many "I want's " and you may be drifting dangerously close to victimhood.

The good news is that the cure is simple. Shift from power-draining to power-filled just by re-framing your list using "I am". Those words require action even if it's only acting as if the statement is already true. They are the mustard seed moving mountains.

Try re-framing some of the statements in the first list and feel the difference:

I am maintaining my health through balanced eating and exercise.
I am doing work that fulfills me.
I am creating a relationship with myself.
I am always moving toward balance.

And, as Yoda would tell you, "Don't serve the dark side." If your
self-talk uses the power of "I am" to beat you up, it's time to re-frame those statements as well.

One caveat – your "I am " statement must contain a grain of truth or your brain will know you're trying to pull a fast one.  It can't (or won't) adjust to going from 0 to 200 mph in 12 seconds. You'll feel a tap on your shoulder as Doubt takes a seat, waiting to grab the wheel. His cousin, Discouragement is probably in the back seat.

If you're actually  struggling to make ends meet, then "I am successful with all the income I need"  may be too big of a stretch. Stretch,yes, but build possibility into your words. Try something like "I am growing a successful business",  Your brain can get behind that and says "Yup. I'll buy that."

Now you can go into action, knowing that the bigger statement waits ahead of you as you grow into your power.

Yoda would be proud of you.